i'm a stowaway!

shh! i'm practicing hiding in daddy's suitcase so i can play a trick on him when we go on vacation. i'm going to go "tick tick tick tick" at the airport, and when security comes to inspect his suitcase, i'm going to jump out! and daddy will go to prison for a long, long time.

i'm a dog!

woof! woof! lately i've been obsessed with the dogs' food and water bowls. i'm fascinated by their system of eating and drinking at ground level, which i've tried to mimic by putting things like scraps of paper from the floor and carpet fuzz into my mouth. but every time i crawl over to the kitchen to do some further research, daddy hurriedly grabs me and puts me back by the couch. then i crawl back over to the kitchen, and we repeat this process about a dozen times a day. it's superfun to drive daddy crazy! i can't wait to do it for the rest of my life!

i'm a bunny rabbit!

it's fun to wear silly hats! this one makes me look like the pope, if he were to wear a hat with a rabbit on it, or whatever animal is supposed to be depicted on this headwear. it's also strange that there's a face on the hat, making it look like i have two heads: my own, and this mystery animal. combined with my pink-striped jammies, i look like a happy convict who's trying to escape by crawling away in a conspicuous hat.

the bookcase: one giant toy

it's a question i'm often asked: "but mailee, what do you do all day?" well, here's your answer: i pull books off the shelves. you can tell what kind of mood i'm in by which book i've selected to throw on the ground and step on. on this day, i chose "the piano lesson," by the recently deceased august wilson. but it could just as easily be "bloodhound ben" if i'm feeling playful; zagat's "2002 new york city nightlife" when i'm ready to party; or "spanish grammar," for those times when i'm muy curioso. every night, dad picks up the books, and every morning, i throw them down. which ones will it be today?

whatcha doin', daddy?

apparently, daddy couldn't get any work done while sitting at the dinner table because i was bothering him, so he moved to the couch, thinking that if he sat there, i would play quietly on the rug. he was wrong! he should know better than to put a big shiny thing in front of me and expect me to ignore it. silly daddy!




after seeing that daddy was writing a story, i decided to help him. here's what i wrote: `1qW@~sA3E#~wQ! it must have helped, because daddy moved back to the kitchen table. whatever he was writing, he better give me a double byline.

a day at the beach

don't let this fool you: this photo is not a fair representation of my mood on the first day i've ever spent on the beach. i don't even remember smiling, so my dad may have altered this shot somehow. what i do remember is pooping on my aunt nancy. tell me: what mood would you be in if you were having stomach problems and, instead of staying in your dry hotel room, your "parents" put some special diaper on you, wrapped tight-fitting bikini bottoms over it and then dangled you in crashing waves that were half the height of your body, causing you to soil yourself in a diaper that was already soaking wet, not to mention mildly sand-filled? oh, what, you don't believe me? well, scroll down, under the fake photo of me smiling.




aha! exhibit a! i would call that "dangling," wouldn't you? and do i look like i'm having "fun"? no! i look terrified! but, hey, my mom looks like she's having a blast, doesn't she? it's too bad i pooped on my aunt nancy, instead of the intended target. oh well, collateral damage.

why does daddy hate me?

oh, sure, mom is allowed to veto the photos dad decides to put on this blog, but i'm not. my so-called "family" was like, "hey, mailee, isn't it cute how your big watermelon belly matches the watermelons on your little baby bikini?" but it’s not like i could’ve posed any other way, since I WAS ASLEEP. oh, what i would give to be able to take photos of daddy when HE least expects it ...

my vacation

ha ha ha ha! i’m on vacation in the bahamas and you’re not! you don’t get to frolic in a germ-filled baby pool in a soggy denim hat with your mommy while your big belly hangs out of your tiny fruit-themed bikini, but i do! ha ha ha ha! you suck!