i feel pretty ...

how do i love me? let me count the ways ... oh, wait, i can't count. but i CAN see! and what i see is this toy with an adorable little baby on it. ah, i never get sick of this toy, unlike those other crappy ones in the background that mom and dad just bought. (fisher price "laugh & learn"? more like "laugh & lame"!) geez, i have more fun with this stupid empty water bottle, and we have tons of those. if i could figure out how to attach a mirror to it, i'd have the perfect toy.

i'm covered in bugs!

doesn't this look like bugs are all over me? actually, what happened was that my dad sharpened his pencil and then dumped the shavings on me, and i tried to eat them. no, just kidding! don't call child protective services! i was just eating a piece of zweiback toast, and it got all over me. i'm talkin' ALL over. i mean, who gets food on their forehead? plus, that day i had a stuffed nose and could only breathe out of my mouth, so i was drooling everywhere, giving the toast a nice wet surface to stick to. afterward, it was straight to the bathtub for me -- right after my dad put me on the ground to let the dog lick off the crumbs. just kidding again! no CPS!

my future's so bright

i also could've called this "i wear my sunglasses at night." it depends who you would rather have stuck in your head: timbuk 3 or corey hart? because you know one of those songs is stuck in your head right now. is it i study nuclear science/ i love my classes/ i got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses or i wear my sunglasses at night/ so i can/ so i can/ watch you weave then breathe your story lines? oh my god. are those really the lyrics? i just looked them up online. those are awful. if one of those songs is in your head right now, i apologize. but you'll forgive me, because no one can resist little baby in big glasses. i am mini-bono!