books are fun!

look at the kind of house my daddy keeps. what a pigsty! so what if i took every book i could reach and threw it on the floor? it's his job to clean them up so i can throw them on the floor again! if daddy didn't like it, he would move the books to a higher shelf, wouldn't he? that would be the smart thing to do. dumb daddy.

i work in "public relations"!

i visited mommy's work, and they had a bean bag chair in the office of one of mommy's co-workers. so i pretended i work in public relations! i dictated a press release, and then i pitched it to daddy, but i forgot he's an unemployed loser -- oh, sorry, "freelance writer." it was hard to work from a bean bag chair. i wonder how mommy does it.

brusha brusha!

here i am, "brushing" my 4 1/2 teeth! actually, i'm just rubbing the bristles on my back gums. but it's fun, because my toothbrush is something mom and dad actually WANT me to put in my mouth! and it helps freshen my breath after a long day of eating carpet lint and stale cheerios from the floor.