halloween!

this is the costume i picked out myself. my philosophy on costumes is that it should feel natural -- a costume should express the inner you, while simultaneously be comfortable enough to lounge in around the house, thusly:




one should always appropriately accessorize his or her costume. in this case, i chose to illustrate the evil monkey from the stephen king book "monkey shines" at my preschool's halloween parade.




monkeys also like to, uh, operate ship wheels inside plastic play castles.

mailee in action

since i no longer take naps, i have two to three extra hours a day to drive my dad nuts. i enjoy watching him try to come up with things to do.

here i am before ballet. i'm saying, "revele!" which i pronounce, "reh-buh-bay!"




here i am playing soccer -- and by "soccer," i mean, "barely jogging while halfheartedly tapping the ball with my foot."




here i am jumping, which my dad forces me to do to see if i get tired.




here i am at dinner for grandma's birthday, repeatedly hitting my cousin austen over the head with my butterfly balloon.




here i am in a big hat.

rancher mailee

my preschool went to a ranch, where we saw a lot of animals, giving me a chance to make my many animal noises in a contextual environment.

"hi goat, i have a secret ..."




"eat it! you can try some!"




say no to crack.

six months later ...

oops. meant to post these a long time ago. sorry!

on mommy's birthday we went to legoland. i didn't know mommies liked to go to legoland for their birthday, but i didn't mind!

here's mailee the monster attacking new york city!




here's daddy kneeling before his dark master:



here's jedi master mailee destroying daddy's dark lord!

i see you!

one of the things i enjoy doing is forming simple sentences. "i see you!" is one of them. i feel it conveys exactly what i want to say at that moment. my other favorites: "no like" (when i'm asked to eat anything that isn't chicken, pasta, hot dog or banana); "shirt off" (when i've soaked my shirt from milky cereal, brushing my teeth or drinking from mommy's water bottle); and "poopoo too" (when i sit on the toilet, this is what i say, even if 99 times out of 100, it's not true).


i see you! at the park



i see you! under the stairs at nana and baba's, where i grab your ankle like a creepy stalker.



i see you! at the playground near our condo in san diego.

where was i?

oh yes -- halloween! ok, so it's been a while since i last updated this thing. truth is, i've been kinda busy with ... oh, what do you call it ... oh yeah, GROWING UP. it's not like i spend all day in front of the computer, ignoring my daught-- i mean, ignoring my, uh, whatever it is a 2-year-old ignores. anyway, let's get to it.

(voiceover) "previously ... on 'mailee's blog ...'"


i was a bee for halloween ...



... with my friends michael and sophia. i had a sucker and turned my mouth all green. yummy.



then came christmas at nana and baba's house. i got to wear a pretty dress and shiny shoes!



and here i am with my cousins mollyryan (i'm not good with names, so i just combine them). they visited us in our new home, and we went SUH-WUMMING. (it's pretty hard to get three toddlers to smile AND look at the camera, so this is, like, the best that can be expected.)



here's a little-known fact about me: it's actually impossible for me to say "cheese" like a normal person. whenever i see a camera, i have to say "cheeeeeese" in such a way that my tiny, developing jaw and neck muscles are drawn dangerously taught with the strain of pronouncing more e's than any 2-year-old should be allowed to handle. also, i like pretending i'm a half-naked pajama-clad princess in socks and sandals.

there are more photos, and i plan to post more this week, so, please, AUNT NANCY, GET OFF MY BACK.

i am an artiste!

don't settle for imitators! mailee original fingerpaintings are available for purchase. inquire for prices. *



*payment accepted in form of potato chips or goldfish crackers

super mailee!

wherever there are crayons to be eaten ... i'll be there. wherever there are remote controls my daddy doesn't want me to push buttons on ... i'll be there. wherever there are dogs waiting for me to cast my unwanted food from my high-chair tray ... i'll be there. i just need to get my super diaper changed first.

i'm elton john!

what better way to compliment my pajamas than with my brand new dalmation rain boots and mom's sunglasses? the irony is that, when it really does start pouring rain outside, i will refuse to put these boots on and will insist on wearing my pink sandals instead.

i'm running away!

smudged pink shades whose lenses are nearly opaque? check. hoodie sweatshirt that i'd rather wear as a cape? check. oversized backpack that overwhelms me even when it's empty? check. i'm now ready to circle from the living room to the kitchen approximately 20 times.

unkie oliver

this is unkie oliver, daddy's "special friend." they like to go on long fishing trips together. one time mommy put a note in daddy's tackle box, but he never saw it.

"a census taker once tried to test me ..."

i've decided what to be for halloween: hannibal lecter! here i am practicing by looking crazy after dining on some fava beans and a nice apple juice. actually, it was ravioli. i wonder if hannibal ever got fava beans in his hair, like i did, or if his parents had to give him a bath afterward.

mailee phone home

little girl in big clothes! mom and dad said i looked like "e.t.," but i don't know who that is. dad also tied the arms together so i looked insane. or maybe it was because i was driving him insane. i'm good at that.

mailee federline

you will pay for this, old man. you will rue the day you took this photo. some things are meant to be private, and you crossed the line from "doting dad" to "stalkarazzi." obviously, i was caught unaware in a private moment, just me and my nose-picking finger, and you just had to put it on display for the world to see. well, mark my words: you'll get yours.

hot child in the city

i'll tell you what feels good on a hot day when your parents are too cheap to turn on the air conditioning: rubbing a makeup brush on your belly. dad put this new dress on me, and i had it on for all of about 5 minutes. perhaps if it was COOLER, i wouldn't have to run around NAKED.

i'm a turtle!

i went to the prospect park zoo with my mom, dad, grandma and grandpa. although i saw a lot of different animals, i addressed each one by saying, "hi, dog!" here's where i posed as a turtle. i don't know, it kinda looks like i'm wearing a ginormous army helmet, but whatever.

my easter loot

on easter, i hunted for eggs with the other little kids in our complex. i wasn't sure what to do, so my dad just put eggs in front of me on the concrete for me to "find." i got a chocolate egg that was fun to unwrap, and i got stickers that i enjoyed eating.

my nemesis, the pool

here i am, moments before i'm forced to spend 30 torturous minutes in an over-chlorinated pool swallowing water and being forced under by my "dad." this is particularly difficult after a night of heavy partying, which, as you can see from my bloodshot eyes and pained expression, is the case on this particular morning.

going shopping

it's time to go shopping! my grandma bought me a grocery cart that i like to push around in my mismatched clothes, but i get frustrated because of all the junk on the floor blocking my path. the thought has occurred to me that i could use the cart as a receptacle to store said junk (which is almost exclusively mine), but that would be "cleaning up," and i don't play that.

"hi, dah!"

here i am, talking to grandma on the phone! the only words i really know are, "hi, dah!" which translates to, "hi, dog!" so that's how i talk to grandma. i say, "hi, dah! hi, dah! hi, dah!" and then i either lick the phone or press random buttons. sometimes both.